When does love begin?
The love between parent and child, and child and parent, is fundamental. It is the foundation of how we all express ourselves in love throughout our lives.
Taken in its most benevolent form, bonding (formerly, considered only with the mother; more often, these days, both mother and father), and parental love mean the best of our qualities: the desire and practice of protecting children from danger; a willingness to listen, to nurture, to teach. There is little doubt from scientific literature that some of these feelings emanate from our biological structure, for instance, the giving of nourishment to a child, which reinforces love between child and parent. This is nowhere more evident than when parental love does not exist, for then society casts opprobrium on the parent as an “unnatural” mother or father.
Frances Vaughan Ph.D. says this about parental love, although it can refer to a father’s love for a child, as well, “At its best, parental love inspires selfless service. A healthy mother caring for her child does not hesitate to put the child’s needs ahead of her own desires. Her devotion may not produce the results that she expects in the long run, but the experience of love may change her life in ways she could not have anticipated.”
Unconditional love in the family
Rev. Dr. James A. Forbes, Jr., of Riverside Church in New York City, says that unconditional love refers to a person who is, “Capable of responding to others with a minimal calculation of what will be the benefit of my relationship; what will benefit me. Almost if it were the case, there are mothers who almost seem to give the impression that no matter what this awful kid does, the love and the expression of care will be undiminished. That’s kind of like unconditional love.” However, he is realistic about its limitations and asks, “Why don’t we acknowledge that that’s a rare occurrence? There are always conditions. They may not be selfish conditions.” Dr. Forbes reminds us that “no matter how hard you try, what the recipient of your love does impacts the quality of your continued expression of that love.” |
“I would not know how to be a human being at all except I learned this from other human beings. We are made for a delicate network of relationships of interdependence. We are meant to complement each other. ”
— Archbishop Desmond Tutu |
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